Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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