I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
