Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
