Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This toilet bowl is my home.
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