a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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