i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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