he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
