your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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