Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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