Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
