Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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