I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
