if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
