At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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