I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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