she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
