So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
