dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
