hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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