Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
