Porn is love you can see.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
