His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
