i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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