areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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