Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
