1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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