It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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