Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
