you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
