yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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