My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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