it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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