are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
