yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
