also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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