so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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