Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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