dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
