the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
