i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
