I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
