Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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