dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
