I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
