i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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