So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
