This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
