He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
