Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
