Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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