My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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