I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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