I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
