How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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