apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
