ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
